Gone

It is kind of funny, but when I hear the word gone I think of the song by Willie Nelson "To all the girls I've loved before...". Better yet perhaps I think of the things I use to have when I was younger and no longer possess (Jeep, truck, youth, energy, time, carefree, no bills). Maybe I miss my vast knowledge and wisdom I knew I had when I was younger and now I can't seem to find. Perhaps greatest of all things gone is the man I wanted to be when I grew up, my Dad. There was the man I idolized as a child, the man I thought walked on water, and the man who always had time to sit me down and ask how my day was. He always had the right thing to say even if it was wrong it was what I needed to hear and I knew he was always telling me the truth. He could get me out of a jam and was always there to catch me when I started to fall. He never tired as he slept maybe four hours a day due to his work around the world. No matter what his mood his phrase which became mine was "I am fine" when asked how he was even if he was sick in bed. This was the man I knew would never die and would always be around to get me out of a tight spot. We were living on a tropical island as a family and my dad was a man who started out successful in everything he set out to do; we were living the dream and a prophet of God told him to take his family home to Utah. My dad without hesitation picked up and moved back; from there on my dad struggeled to keep his family fed, the bills paid, and his work successful. We never went without food, we had all a family could hope for; we just never flourished as we did on that island. My dad never regretted that decision and never showed a doubt in his heart. I have seen and been part of miracles because of my dad and his priesthood blessings; I have heard stories of many people who knew him of his kindness and giving nature. Let me tell you of a story of a 16 year old boy who thought the world revolved around his dad and how he came to appreciate how his dad didn't revolve around the world. Remember the truck I mentioned earlier? Oh how I longed to drive that truck; it was a 79' Ford F250 extended cab long bed with Automatic transmission, four wheel drive, air conditioning and a 400. Oh I loved that truck and there was one problem, my dad kept a camper on that truck; he did this for two reasons, one to keep his kids from driving it and two so it wouldn't get ruined and he could use it to go camping or hunting with his boys. I begged and pleaded for weeks and weeks to get him to take the camper off so I could drive it and he did; for some reason he thought I was more responsible than his other boys? (I doubt it) The camper was off for maybe a week and it happened; June 08, 1989 (I remember this day because it was my sisters birthday and the day of my brothers wedding) I wrecked my fathers truck; totaled it. I couldn't believe it I was uninjured, but thought I was doomed to be killed as I destroyed the one worldly possession I knew my father cared about. Little did I know how great my father truly was and how wrong I was; my father grabbed me and held me tight and held up my hand and said that little pinky right there is more important to me than that whole truck. I couldn't believe it that was all that was said to me about the matter and the subject was closed. I love my dad and this year on December 02, marks the tenth year since his passing. I know I can never live up to his greatness and I have so much to learn to even compare to his knowledge of religious as well as business matters, but I know that his being gone has changed my life. I have learned I do not know everything, but I can find the answers, take care of your worldly possessions, but do not let them take care of you, let go of the pain of the past and embrace the newness that is today, let go of the anger that can build and remember that everything is fine. Do not ever quit no matter how hard your trial, love your enemies, keep pressing on when others are pulling you back. Visit or call your mother often and let her know you love her, show your children you love them with your time, kiss your spouse often, always uplift her, and talk highly of her to your peers. Perhaps one of the greatest lessons learned is pray often, pray sincerely, and have faith the Lord hears and answers your prayers. Of all the things that are gone from my world; the most important are the ones that created happiness in my life. While I did have happiness driving that old Ford and that old Jeep, my life is not fulfilled because of it. I have loved more, and argued less because of the physical person that is no longer with me; yet because I carry within me his spirit he is no longer gone....